$ \newcommand{\vec}[1]{\mathbf{#1}} \newcommand{\op}[1]{\hat{#1}} \newcommand{\bra}[1]{\langle{#1}\rvert} \newcommand{\ket}[1]{\lvert{#1}\rangle} \newcommand{\braket}[2]{\langle{#1}|{#2}\rangle} \DeclareMathOperator{sgn}{sgn} $ I learned the fact that
dipole-allowed transitions occur only between $N$-electron states differing in one electron that makes a dipole-allowed transition with the other $N-1$ electrons remaining in their initial single particle state.
I tried proving that statement, with some assumptions, following my textbook (Introduction to the Physics of Matter by N. Manini, from which I also pulled that quote) as follows.
The dipole operator driving the transitions is the sum $\op{\vec D}=\sum_{i=1}^N\op{\vec d}^{(i)}$ where I guess that
\begin{equation} \op{\vec d}^{(i)}= \underset{1}{\op{1}} \otimes \dotsb \otimes \underset{i-1}{\op{1}} \otimes \underset{i}{\op{\vec d}} \otimes \underset{i+1}{\op{1}} \otimes \dotsb \otimes \underset{N}{\op{1}} \end{equation} is the single particle operator, in the product space of $N$ electrons. Choosing two sets of $N$ states (picked from a complete orthonormal set) $\{\ket{a_i}\}_{i=1}^N$ for the initial configuration and $\{\ket{b_i}\}_{i=1}^N$ for the final one, we build the appropriate antisymmetrized states \begin{equation} \ket{A}=\frac1{\sqrt{N!}}\sum_{\sigma\in S_N}\sgn(\sigma)\bigotimes_{i=1}^N\ket{a_{\sigma(i)}} \end{equation} as a Slater determinant ($S_N$ is the symmetric group of order $N$), and $\ket{B}$ in a similar fashion. So I have \begin{equation} \begin{split} \bra{B}\op{\vec D}\ket{A}&= \sum_{i=1}^N\bra{B}\op{\vec d}^{(i)}\ket{A}=\\&= \frac1{N!}\sum_{i=1}^N\sum_{\sigma\in S_N}\sum_{\rho\in S_N}\sgn(\sigma\rho)\biggl[\bigotimes_{j=1}^N\bra{b_{\sigma(j)}}\biggr]\op{\vec d}^{(i)}\biggl[\bigotimes_{k=1}^N\ket{a_{\rho(k)}}\biggr]. \end{split} \end{equation} Now, if I approximate the final states as $\ket{b_i}\approx\ket{a_i}$ for each $i$, each braket in \begin{multline} \biggl(\bigotimes_{j=1}^N\bra{\beta_{\sigma(j)}}\biggr)\op{\vec d}^{(i)}\biggl(\bigotimes_{k=1}^N\ket{\alpha_{\rho(k)}}\biggr)=\\= \braket{\beta_{\sigma(1)}}{\alpha_{\rho(1)}}\dotsm\braket{\beta_{\sigma(i-1)}}{\alpha_{\rho(i-1)}}\bra{\beta_{\sigma(i)}}\op{\vec d}\ket{\alpha_{\rho(i)}}\braket{\beta_{\sigma(i+1)}}{\alpha_{\rho(i+1)}}\dotsm\braket{\beta_{\sigma(N)}}{\alpha_{\rho(N)}} \end{multline} approximates a Kronecker delta, i.e. $\braket{b_\mu}{a_\nu}$ is zero if the two states $\ket{a_\nu}$ and $\ket{b_\mu}$ don't coincide (so probably $\braket{b_\mu}{a_\nu}\approx\delta_{\mu,\nu}$?). This has the consequence that $N-1$ terms of the permutations $\rho$ and $\sigma$ must be the same (or else the whole product is zero), thus $\rho=\sigma$ and \begin{equation} \begin{split} \bra{B}\op{\vec D}\ket{A}&= \frac1{N!}\sum_{i=1}^N\sum_{\sigma\in S_N}\bra{b_{\sigma(i)}}\op{\vec d}\ket{a_{\sigma(i)}}\prod_{\substack{j=1\\j\ne i}}^N\braket{b_{\sigma(j)}}{a_{\sigma(j)}}=\\&= \sum_{i=1}^N\bra{b_i}\op{\vec d}\ket{a_i}\prod_{\substack{j=1\\j\ne i}}^N\braket{b_j}{a_j} \end{split} \end{equation} which agrees with the result in the textbook. Now, I can't see why it is the case that just one electron can make the transition while the others must remain in their original state. I would get it if there wasn't a summation in the last line, i.e. it was just $\bra{b_i}\op{\vec d}\ket{a_i}$, but this isn't the case, if I derived it correctly.
Moreover, the book goes on saying that
when $\bra{b_i}\op{\vec d}\ket{a_i}$ vanishes, because it violates the one-electron selection rules, the overall matrix element (i.e. $\bra{B}\op{\vec D}\ket{A}$) vanishes.
How is it so? If $\bra{b_i}\op{\vec d}\ket{a_i}$ vanishes, it is just an addend that is zero, not the whole sum.