Caveat: I have not done statistical mechanics. All my knowledge of this subject is based on classical thermodynamics. However, I tried to keep my answer factual by only referencing already well-accepted ideas on the topic while providing references.
What I would like to know is whether $dS=\frac{dQ_{rev}}{dT}$ is just essentially a 'backward engineered formula' which accounts for both ways entropy can change since $dQ_{rev}=dU+pdV$, or whether it suggests there is some 'special' link between entropy and reversible heat transfer.
The first expression which you have written is wrong. The true expression for entropy in a reversible process is given by $ dS = \frac{dQ_{rev}}{T}$. I'm not quite sure how you were introduced to entropy, but when I studied thermodynamics, the lecturer integrated the quantity $ \frac{dQ_{rev} }{T}$ for a few different reversible cycles for an ideal gas and found that the line integral over the whole cycle was zero(A). After this, it was motivated to call that $ dS = \frac{dQ_{rev}}{T}$ as a state function since any line integral of this over a reversible path came out as zero (B).
There are a few alternate explanations for the concept which I have seen over the time that I have studied this subject and I will list them out below:
- Temperature can be thought of as a 'generalized force' and entropy can be thought of as a 'generalized displacement'. The product of these two conjugate thermodynamic parameters has dimensions of energy and hence we can think of entropy as some abstract quantity that is transferred (C).
- The most popular interpretation of entropy is as a measure of disorder, people say that entropy is a measure of how 'spread out' energy is. As we spread out energy more and more the amount of useful energy reduces. (D)
- Statistical mechanics: This is personally one of the most interesting interpretations (For me), in this subject, we think of entropy is a measure of the number of microstates of the system. (E)
Some other say the origin of entropy is in the idea that it is the integrating factor of the first law which can be multiplied so that $dq = dU + dW$ so that we get an exact differential but I'm not sure why this is a particular function which turns it exact. I have personally tried to derive that it is using some mathematical methods but I was unsuccessful. You can see my attempt here but if you still wish for a discussion of it, see this reddit post.
On the topic of irreversible changes, we must use a different entropy expression and involve a term known as 'entropy generation' to account for the entropy generated by internal processes inside the substance. See the wonderful answer by Chet Miller (here)
Ref:
A: See the gradient theorem here, it is equivalent to say that the line integral of a differential has a potential function if it's integral over any loop is zero
B: This lecture around 4:00
C: see the answer by Chemomechanics here
D: See the video by Steve Mould here
E: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Entropy#:~:text=In%20statistical%20mechanics%2C%20entropy%20is,volume%2C%20pressure%20and%20temperature).