Gravitational force is mediated by graviton exchange. If I am standing outside a black hole, I can of course feel the attracting force towards the black hole. This should correspond to gravitons mediated between the matter inside the horizon and myself; but then these gravitons should cross the horizon from the inside to the outside.
My question is: how is this paradox precisely solved?
I guess a starting point for an answer is that these gravitons are off-shell, much like in QED where photons exchanged between electrons that feel each other are virtual. But still, this confuses me a bit - is there some references explaining this in detail?